current+events+4

ALBANY — Assemblyman Daniel O’Donnell wants desperately to persuade his colleagues to legalize gay marriage. Here is how he has pursued Republican Assemblyman Greg Ball’s vote:With the Legislature set to take up the bill to legalize same-sex marriage on Tuesday, Mr. O’Donnell, the openly gay older brother of the comedian Rosie O’Donnell, has emerged as a tenacious, ingratiating, playful and sometimes prickly leader of the effort to pass the legislation.He has helped gather nearly 90 votes in the 150-member Assembly, which is expected to easily pass the bill. But he is also using the Assembly vote as a way to pressure members of the Senate, where the legislation’s fate will be decided, and demonstrate to wary senators that there is support in their districts for the bill.Mr. O’Donnell’s unsubtle approach has endeared him to some colleagues in the Capitol and rankled others. While using flattery on certain wavering lawmakers, he has been aggressive with others, threatening to withhold support from fellow Democrats, for example, who declined to be listed as sponsors of the measure.Ms. O’Donnell, who lives in Nyack with her partner, Kelli Carpenter O’Donnell, has not gotten involved in lobbying New York legislators on same-sex marriage, but she did not rule it out. For Mr. O’Donnell, the lobbying is intensely personal. When he has been unable to persuade colleagues to vote yes, he has sent his partner, John Banta, director of special events for the Metropolitan Opera, to try instead. The two men met as freshmen at Catholic University in 1978, began dating two years later and have been together ever since. Mr. O’Donnell frequently brings Mr. Banta along to legislative gatherings, he said, so his colleagues could see what a gay couple looks like. “That wasn’t accidental,” he explained, adding: “I knew if I wanted my colleagues to treat me and treat my community with equality, they would have to see John and I through the prism of a relationship.” He has said that he and his partner face inequities that are sometimes overlooked. It is the tradition of the New York State Legislature, for example, to provide a surviving spouse of a lawmaker who dies in office with the remainder of the lawmaker’s salary through the end of their term. “We don’t get that,” he said. “So if I get hit by a truck tomorrow, he doesn’t get the $150,000.” Being so intensely involved in the issue has had its painful moments. One of his closest friends in the Assembly, Barbara Lifton of Ithaca, said Mr. O’Donnell can become emotionally drained after dealing with colleagues who say they will not vote for same-sex marriage. He said, ‘How can I help this person who doesn’t see me as a full human being?’ ” Ms. Lifton recalled. “He tried to let go of any anger of that and understand that these are big changes for people.” Mr. O’Donnell, who became the first openly gay man to serve in the Assembly when he was elected in 2002, is now one of four openly gay people in the Legislature. Another, Senator Thomas K. Duane of Manhattan, is sponsoring the same-sex marriage bill in the Senate, where Democrats are still unsure whether they can gather the 32 votes they need for approval. Mr. O’Donnell has made it part of his strategy to recruit Assembly Republicans. So far, he said, he has five Republican supporters, and he is hoping to attract 10 — no easy task, if the reaction of Mr. Ball is any indication. Despite all Mr. O’Donnell’s entreaties, Mr. Ball, the Republican assemblyman, said he would still be voting no on Tuesday.